NYE

Now it is ticking ever so close to the end of another year. It is also getting closer to millions of people making many resolutions. Now l am not against resolutions, l believe it is important for people to set goals and challenge themselves. However in setting goals many people rush forward and skip two very important steps. 1. To live in the present and try to become better 2. Look back and reflect on what you have learnt and how far you have come. The past is a great indicator of what you've achieved, where you have failed and how you can improve.

Life's lessons are just that 'lessons' and you need to learn from them because if you don't you will continue going around and around and around.

So before l make my resolution l look at the present day, l am 67kgs, the first Christmas ever that l can remember where l did not gain any weight. I have a wonderful family who support me and love me even through all the crazy endeavours and adventures l take them on. I am getting an entire nights sleep with out interruptions for little children. I am into my second year of university studies and enjoying every minute of it. I also live in a fantastic community with a great net work of friends who feel like family. I can not go anywhere in my local area with not seeing one person l know, and l love that.

Now to reflect, l have had a crazy six years with having three children, complete change of career path, massive weight gain going form 63kgs to 118kgs in a period of three years. Moving to a new area, having no friends or support network and no idea what l wanted to do with myself. I remember coming home from the hospital with my first son and looking at myself in the mirror and thinking 'what have l done to myself?' I do know what l did, and many women have done it before me and will continue to do it after me. I lost myself, l gave all of myself to everyone and left nothing behind for me, the only thing that was there for me was food.

My new years resolution is not to 'lose myself again', to constantly discover new things that l can do and achieve both mentally and physically. To also not lose the momentum that l have generated.

I also want to appreciate everyone around me more. I see my children growing so fast and what to spend every moment possible with them and making them laugh. I want to spend more one on one time with my husband and continue to deepen our unbreakable bond. He is the one person who knows me better than me, when l start to do something self destructive he is there holding my hand and guiding me back onto the right path. I also want to spend more time with the girls that have become wonderful friends. Every female needs her friends because sometime men just don't understand what it is like to be a women and a mother. They also do not want to attend chick flicks.

I encourage you all to spend a moment to look at the present, past and future. Every day you should aim to meditate for 5 mins and reflect. Use those 5 mins to help you refocus and  listen to your inner voice. Sometimes you invoice only whispers to you and you need to be still and quite to hear it, but it always there.

I hope 2012 allows you to discover the most wonderful person you will ever know, YOU!

Happy new year

close to a new year

We are heading full steam ahead into a new year. I look back and reflect on all that l have achieved this year and l am amazed how much you can stuff into one year. Life at present couldn't be better. Albeit l have not reached my goal of 60kgs, l am still 67kgs and will maintain this weight now until the new year. 2012 will be the year l will lose those 7kgs and maintain that weight.

My two weight goals are 65kgs by my birthday which is 4th of February and 60kgs by October. That is plenty of time for me to then maintain that weight leading up to Christmas.

Next year brings the new challenge of working for three weeks which will change bootie camp session but fingers crossed the girls will still show up after school for a work out and maybe l can sneak out before anyone rises in the morning for some early morning jogs.

One thing l have learnt that exercise does help the shape of my body and my mental state of mind. However it is what passes my mouth that makes the biggest difference when it comes to my weight. I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog and follow me on my journey into 2012.

Turn your cant into can

Well only a few weeks left till my dead line. I am still 67kgs, which l am chuffed about. I am glad that l have managed to maintain my weight with out going back into old habits. Last time l went on a weight loss goal when l reached it l fell pregnant and soon found many excuses to gain weight back. This time there will be no more babies, no more excuses. I quote " She turned her cant into can and her dreams into plans". That is how l feel right at this very moment.

For once l am extremely happy with all of my efforts, l have worked bloody hard this year and it has paid off , in more ways than l could of ever excepted. I am excited to be moving forward on this new chapter of trying to maintain my weight as my schedule becomes even more complicated. But l will continue to to turn cant into can and my dreams into plans. Watch out world my Dreams are huge so just you wait and see what is coming around the corner.

So l have a few weeks left to try and lose a few more kilos. I know their is a good chance l wont reach the target of 60kgs, but l am not ashamed. Last time l was 60kgs was when l was 16. If l can reach 63kgs which is the weight l was when l first met my husband l will have the best Christmas present of all.

My body has changed a lot since l was last this weight. I always worked out but never achieved the current muscle mass l currently have. My arms and back are taking shape nicely, now if my bum and thighs would kindly follow l will be a very happy girl.

Here's to dreaming big! Cheers

back to 67kgs yay!!!

Im am back to 67kgs, my husband assures me that the new scales are no different than the old ones because his weight never moves and he was the same weight on the new scales as the old ones. I also found my measurements from my 67kg wait previously and they match up with my current measurements. So yay, yay, yay, l am back on target to goal 60kgs by Christmas. Which is less than seven weeks away. Seven kilos in seven weeks, l can do this.

It really all comes down to food choice and portion control. It is amazing how much this impacts my weight. As l get closer to my goal it will get harder to lose the weight, it will also be a big adjustment trying to maintain the weight. I haven't been 60kgs since l was 19, so it will be interesting to see how l go. Hopefully 2012 will bring a new year of new habits, one's that don't revolve around food and the kitchen.

I have been so absorbed by my children and husband doing this weight loss challenge has allowed me to get to know myself again. I had forgotten about ME whilst caring for everyone else. But how l am to tell my children they have to look after themselves when l wasn't looking after myself. With discovering myself again l now have a different outlook and look forward to see what challenges await.

New scales and they are kinder

I purchased new scales today. The last ones went to heaven after my cleaning efforts on Tuesday, how was l suppose to know that you shouldn't bleach them? Anyway l purchased new scales today, same brand but different model. The only problem is that my yard post hasn't moved but the tool l am using to measure this has, and these scales are far kinder. I jumped on them today and my current weight is 68kgs. I know l could not of dropped from 71kgs to 68kgs in five days. I may dream of weight loss like that but l know it is not possible for me to achieve. Whilst l am happy to report l am 68kgs l cant help thinking about what l would of been on my old scales. Luckily l have been taking my measurements so l this will be a better indicator on how l am going.

So l am now back on target to be 60kgs by Christmas thanks to my kinder scales.

I finally went to do the boxing class again this morning and once again needed to take a asthma pump six times to get to the end. I do not know what it is with this one class, but it is the only class that pushes me past my VO2 max. This does not feel comfortable. Albeit to see results you need to do this, so l now declare l will be attending the boxing class from now on. If l don't challenge myself l wont improve.

the girl who is struggling now to lose 11kgs

I know it doesn't take me long to gain back all the weight that has taken me so long to lose. Well not all the weight l have lost because l was 118 kgs and l am currently (gulp) 71kgs. In august l got down to 67kgs. Oh, well l did it once l can do it again. I believe their is seven weeks now to Christmas, l can still lose 11 kgs by Christmas but wont be as easy. This always happens to me, l start seeing results and then get excited and then go backwards very quickly.

So today l am doing my Monday declaration which many a person has done, l don't know why people choose a Monday to do it but it is the beginning of a new week and a new me. Slate is scrubbed clean and start again, this time next week the aim is to be 69kgs, l will keep you informed.

Still there

I cant believe there is only eight weeks to Christmas and once again l am no where close to my goal. Like every addict l went back for a hit and stayed there a bit too long and l am now currently (gulp!!!) 72 kilos. Yes l well and truly have gained back weight and some. I can see the weight as well this time, l can see my tummy is back, and my thighs are bouncing and rubbing when l am running and l generally feel uncomfortable. So today l start all over again, trying to remember why l am losing weight. So watch out world Gaby is on the last legs of this journey, and this is one journey l want to reach. It has been a bump ride so far with many twist and turns and now the last eight weeks is going to be a hard slog but l am determined to reach this goal.

The Saboteur within

Recently some women l know where talking about people who where the saboteur's of their diet. It made me think about who is my saboteur. Unfortunately the blame lays squarely on my own shoulders. I have to confess l have also been the saboteur of some other peoples diets. The main reason why my husband is losing weight at present is that l am not sabotaging his diet at night with calorie leaden dinners.

For some reason l am my own worst enemy when it comes to food. This week l am going to try and become my best friend when it comes to food choices. I also ask my best friends to help me. If you see me walking down the chocolate isle at coles please tell me to leave the aisle immediately. If you see me about to bite into a donut with my coffee, please remove it. My willpower for food is awfully, l can resist the temptation of alcohol and love to exercise so the food is the last issue l need to conquer.

Looking back I've always had someone next to me helping me when it has come to exercise and also for avoiding alcohol and giving up cigarettes. However l have never asked for help when it has come to food. Maybe it is the lack of a support net work that has stopped me with my over consumption of food. So please all you out there l ask for your support, maybe even come and do a pantry raid to ensure l am not smuggling in any chocolate. I need to reach this goal of 60 kilos by Christmas, so l know l can achieve my weight goals.

I found a diary l use to keep when l was a teenager a couple of weeks ago and even in that diary l was talking about the same food issues "why cant l stop myself from eating junk food?, why don't l care as much as the other girls about my food selections?" old habits die very hard. Sixteen years on l am still having the same internal conversations and conflicts about food. At least now l am hoping by making these conflicts external l might be able to finally reach my goals, and with a little help of my friends.

Holiday are great but...

My holiday was great. However l am bringing more back with me than what l took, that is 4kgs of fat. Yes 4 kilos in one week. It always amazes me how hard it is to lose but to put back on is a sinch. Anyway my plans of a healthy holiday went out the door. As soon as l checked in my diet checked out and nothing was off the menu. The sad thing is l didnt go too crazy and l exercised every day. Imagine what the damage would of been without the excerise and minimal restraint l showed.

Now l am back, and l start all over again. The plus side is my pantry and fridge are empty and ready for me to fill with healthy food. Fingers crossed this weight falls off as quickly as it came on.

Have l ever mentioned how much l love Tuesdays?

I know l say it over and over again but l do love Tuesdays. It is always the week l weight the least, most people would after completing three hours worth of work outs. Tomorrow is a different story with a tupperware party, but it is one with a twist. After the tupperware party a bootie camp will be conducted in the backyard, l will ask everyone to try and measure their calories consumed during the tupperware demonstration and then proceed to show them how much they have to work to burn those calories off. Novel concept. Albeit l can't see many people turning up to future parties l hold ;-)

One great philosopher once said "you are who you associate with" I've always held this to be true, l try to surround myself with people who provide energy and interest to my life. I hope l can provide this to you. Positive and good vibes that all of us do struggle with something(s) in life. By reading my struggles and what l am doing to make positive changes in my life will hopefully help you to.

Enjoy your week people, oh by the way did l mention how much l LOVE TUESDAYS.

Help

It is late and l am trying to complete my uni work to only find my stomach grumbling. I confess l have been great today with my food until 20 mins ago where l just consumed, wait for it,,, four bowls and big bowls of corn flakes. You might think this isn't much but it works out to be 500 calories. It takes me an hour of hard slog at the gym to burn those calories and only 5 mins to consume them. Arghhhhh!!!! This is why losing the last seven kilos suck. At least l only have seven kilos to go now. I do remember not long ago when l would of killed to be at the weight l am now. Now that l am here l really want to be 60kgs. Not as bad as l wanted the four bowls of corn flakes.  Thank god it's Tuesday tomorrow, and l now have a regular gym buddie which makes my workouts even more enjoyable. So l have to work extra hard to work off those corn flakes.

Ground hog day

Feeling like my life is ground hog day. The same things play out the same way day in day out. I am looking forward to a holiday to change the routine and get some new inspiration. Only 8 more sleeps to go and then family vacation. I am looking forward to seeing the big strawberry again and milking the cows at the diary. I am also looking forward to the endless activity that happens when we go away. The place we are going to has both an indoor and outdoor pool. Last time we went to this place the kids had me in the pool at 7am, back home at 8.30 for breakfast, then out the door again before ten for either an adventure or back in the pool. The days just fly buy as l have fun playing with the children and being out of my normal routine. This time away l am going to pay attention to my diet. Normally l relax my eating which normally results in a weight gain even with all the extra curriculum activities. So this time no coco pops for breakfast and chocolate every night after dinner. Strawberries are in season so l am looking forward to having these for breakfast with yogurt and muesli. Fresh salads for dinner and lunch and then l can have a few glasses of wine after all the swimming l will be doing.

Until the holiday l have to keep motivated to keep my eating on track. Have decided till l go away l am not going to focus on losing any more weight but just maintain my current weight and try to push my fitness level instead. Eating those few extra calories a day allows me to have the energy l need to really push myself during my workouts.

Go Cats Go

For those who do not live in the land of oz, last weekend was our Australian football league grand final and the Geelong Cats won. Our household was extremely pleased to say the least. However my body was not to please with me. After two bottles of champagne any food looked good and l ate pretty much everything and anything l could see, including a plate of party pies at midnight. The damage was 2 kilos but after my 1500 calorie workouts yesterday its back to a 1 kilo gain. I do say workouts because l did body step, zumba and then meet some mums at the basket ball court in the afternoon for an hour. So in total 3 hours.

In all l think it would take about 7 hours of hard gym work to burn off the calories l consumed in one day. So tonight l promised the children l would take them out for dinner. Going out for dinner is extremely hard for me. My willpower sucks at the best of times. Then being surrounded by tables full of food, being able to smell the food and seeing people eating makes it even harder. So tonight l am going in with a plan, l am taking cash and no debit cards and l am taking some work in with me. No money and distraction of work should help me.

Today is Body Combat and then another work out with the mums at the primary school in the afternoon. I was also thinking about posting my food diary on here on a daily basis. Is anyone interested in seeing this?? Please let me know otherwise l wont bother.

Now if you are interested in following my blog down the left hand side here there is a section saying "follow blog" click on there to sign in and join. You don't need to have a GMail you can use your regular email (which is what l do). Once you become a follower you can comment on my posts.

Back to 67kgs

I am back to 67 kilos. It has taken some decoys to remove me from the pantry and fridge. Decoy number 1-stay busy, very, very, very busy. I have been doing double work out this week, one in the gym in the morning followed by another in the afternoon. The afternoon workout is timed with the time l am most likely to snack. So not only have l been burning extra calories but l have avoided eating them in the first place. Decoy number 2- small amounts and then wait. If l want food, l take a very small portion eat it, wait 5 mins, drink some water wait 5 mins more and then if l am still hungry l start the process all over again. Nine times out of ten l eat the first bit and then get distracted and find that l have managed to make it to my next meal. Decoy - 3 Joe my Personal Trainer. When you are paying some one to train you, you want results and the only way that is going to happen is combining the hard work at the gym with some hard work with the diet. Joe is really pushing me beyond my comfort zone and l am seeing results. So l am happy to recommend him his mobile number 0408 312 647. I believe everyone should get a program written up and walk it through with someone to ensure your techniques is correct. You can do a 100 sit ups a day, but if you are doing them wrong it is going to do nothing for you but give you an injury and waste your time. Sometimes when you heap a slump it helps to do a few sessions with a PT to pick you back up again and ensure your technique is correct.

So my aim is now to be 66kgs for my eldest sons birthday next Saturday. I should be able to make it. It does pain me to say that in the last 6 weeks l have lost 10kilos but l have also put on 10kilos. I gain 2 kilos, loss 2 kilos, gain three kilos, loss three kilos. In one week l can do so much damage and have to work so hard to loss the weight again. If only l didnt gain the weight in the first place l would have already reached my goal weight. Seeing those numbers motivate me. I am over the merry go round, l want my hard work to count for something otherwise another Christmas will pass and l would not of reached my goal of 60kgs.   

The Basics

I have had a few people ask me recently what l have done to lose weight. I follow a simple scientific method. Which is counting either kilojoules or calories (which ever works for you).
Recommended kj/fat intake
Weight to lose    kj daily                    
less than 6kgs     Women    men    
                              5250kj    6300kj  
                              (1250cal) (1500cal)
6-20kgs              6300kj      7325kj
                            (1500cal) (1750cal)
more than 20    7325kj   8370kj
                            (1750cal)  (2000cal)
I believe on a bit of exercise every day and that you have to do resistance (strength) training along with cardio. Everybody has a six pack, it just covered by something if you can't see it. When you work hard to lose weight you want to make sure what is revealed underneath all the fat is already tone and ready to make is debut. It is also very important to stay strong as a female to avoid broken bones and other injuries as we age.

I try to avoid processed food and try to stick with homemade dinners, like that l know what l am eating. Homemade makes me skinny and my wallet fat. Now l am no angel. You should all know that by now from reading my blog. This is what l try to do but don't always live up to. As you can see from the graph when l first started to lose weight l could lose a kilo a week and eat 1750 calories a day. If l ate that amount a day now l would gain a kilo a week. That's the hardest part for me. You are always having to cut something else out, having to do more exercise. The process does get harder as you go further down the path. Albeit the results you get at the end are the best, when you lose 5 kilos when your over a 100kgs you don't really notice it, now if l lose 2 kilos (or gain it back) l notice the difference.

So calories, attitude and some exercise put it all together and you too can lose weight. Sounds easy but is hard to put into practice. Especially now leading up to silly season. Just like any habit it is hard to break one but easy to make one. So good luck. Losing weight is harder than most addictions because you need food to survive and it gets harder as time goes on. Most other addictions in life you don't need to have it to survive and it gets easier with every day passed. Keep this in mind so if you do slip you know lots of other people do, but so long as you jump back on and keep on trying that is what counts.

Junk=Money

Okay before l can tell you about the cost l need to explain my budget. I do a very detailed budget where every transaction is accounted for and placed into a category. I do this on an excel spreadsheet and l can filter my categories with one click to see how much l am spending in one area. One of these categories is take away meals. Well l have been slack this month and l was catching up putting in my transactions for the last three weeks. Now on a side note in the last three weeks l have gained three kilos. In the last three weeks l have been to Mc Donalds a total of five times at a cost of $92.15. Yes three kilos and nearly $100 and for what??

If l hadn't of gone to McDonalds my food out lay for the children and me at home would of be $10.00. Even if l added on banana's to our lunches it still would of been under $20 and healthier to say the least. Not only that l am back at 69.4kgs. This is why l do this blog, if l didnt right now l would go "WTF l have already gained back three kilos, l am destined to be fat, may as well give up now and eat the food and drink the wine l love so much, doesn't that make me happy, not having to worry about what passes my mouth?"

Yes it does make me happy not having to worry about everything that passes my mouth. But l also know  the health implications. Just like when l use to be a smoker, it was hard giving up the smokes, l loved them, l loved sitting down and having my cigarette with my coffee and having a few drinks with the girls and having a cigarette. I loved not having to worry about my weight or exercising because l lived on liquids and cigarettes. However l knew that this was not healthy and as soon as l was in a serious relationship l knew it would be unfair on my husband to have to look after me later in life because l choose that lifestyle.

That is apart of growing up. Realising that their is consequences for your own actions. I know that if l eat healthy clean foods 85% of the time and exercise regularly l can live a long and healthy life. I don't want to end up with a body that fails me because l didnt want to take responsibility now on what l feed my body.  I have no one to blame except myself for my weight back. And l only have myself to pat on the back for picking myself back up, dusty the mc donalds crumbs off and getting back on the weight loss band wagon. I hope this inspire at least one other person to do the same.

Old habits die hard

Old habits die very hard slow deaths. Just when l think l am on the straight and narrow one jar of nutella in the pantry throw everything into chaos. My middle child saw the nutella first (l didn't purchase the nutella it came in a show bag) and begged for pancakes with nutella, which l obliged. However l have now eaten half a jar of nutella and feel very very ill.

Why oh why do l do it. It doesn't even make me feel good it just makes me feel like l have a really bad hangover, you know that seedy heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach. This feeling makes me want to have a fizzy drink, which just ads to the cycle of sugar hit and then the dive down very low.

Today at the gym l could feel my belly wobbling up very high, which it hasn't done for weeks. All my hard work gets undone very quickly with just slipping back into old habits. Tomorrow is a new day one where l want to feel good again. I hate feeling sick and my body is now at the point where it is not forgiving with my bad food choices. Gone our my teens and twenties that l could punish my body and it would forgive me easily. Now it is paying me back for all those times. Thank god my exercise habit hasn't faltered otherwise l would be in very big trouble. The only reason why it hasn't is because of Gym Creche. I love having an hour or two to be me. No child saying "Mum, can l please have water", "Mum, im hungry", "Mum,Mum, MUM!!".  So if it wasnt for gym l wouldn't be a very happy mum. That hour of no "MUM" keeps me charged all day.

It was the food

The seedy feeling has gone. So too has the junk food. Just one day of eating clean healthy food and the seedy feeling is gone. It really does show the difference. I remember when l was 18 l went to the doctor to inform them that l always feel sick. Instead of looking at my diet the doctor prescribed anti nausea tablets. I took these for 6 months before l finally started to look at my diet a bit more closely and realised it was diet that was making me feel sick. You would think a doctor would of asked the question "how's your diet?'" but instead month after month just wrote me a script. My diet at the time was appalling, l lived on coke, cigarettes, scotch and occasionally a potato. It wasn't until l met my husband that l finally had a person model to me what a healthy diet was. Up until then the first meal l normally had for the day was around 4pm and 9/10 it was a mars bar. Food was never really thought of as something that could fuel my body, it was more about the then and now, "l am hungry and l will eat whatever l can find for the amount of money l have in my pocket right this minute".

I often wonder how much different my relationship with food would be if l lived in a household that modeled better food options. It's why l am so passionate about teaching children about food, l knew how to cook and tend for a garden but l didn't know anything about a healthy diet. I was allowed to eat whatever l wanted whenever l wanted it. Breakfast was never offered to me, if l did have breakfast it would be coco pops or worst still remember those corn flakes covered in sugar, l use to have those with more sugar on top. Actually my whole diet was sugar, salt and oil. This are not healthy building blocks for a body. But some how my body survived and so did my teeth. It amazes me how quickly l can slip back into the sugar junkie. That is my biggest weakness SUGAR. It's also the worst ingredient to consume for your skin. Sugar ages you especially lines on your face. So my new focus is trying to reduce sugar in my diet, every time l eat something sugary l am going to imagine my wrinkled face smiling back. That should be enough of a incentive to kick my sugar habit for good.

sick of being sick

I am so sick of being sick. The worst thing is that l am a emotional eater. When l feel like crap l am more likely to grab a chocolate bar or packet of chips to help pick me up. The junker the food the better. Only it is a viscous cycle. At present l still have this cold but l also think l feel sick because my diet has not been very nutrient dense but calorie dense. I have been trying to stick to my 1200-1500 calories which l have been. However those calories have been coming for nutrient poor sources. My body is not being given the right support to get better and l feel sick, seedy sick.

So tomorrow is a new start (yes again, l think in total l have had about a million new starts and a million more to go). However tomorrow l start my healthy food habits again, and kick out the junk. It is not doing anything for me or helping me heal. Hopefully this time next week l will feel all brand new.

As for my PT session on Friday. OMG l have sore legs!!! No one has managed to make my legs sore for about 3 years. So well done Joe keep up the good work and hopefully l can reveal the muscles underneath hidden by the layer of fat.

mindless = kilos

My mindless eating leads quickly to lots of calories. Lots and lots and lots of calories. So many that l will need to run for at least an hour tonight to make a very small dint in the large amount l ate.

You may be asking what is mindless eating. Well mindless eating, for me, is the food you eat whilst not thinking. This morning whilst putting the groceries away l ate, wait for it, 1020 calories. Yes, 1020 calories in under 20mins. I thought l will eat one donut that isn't many, by the time it came for me to put the donuts away in the pantry l didn't have to because l had eaten the entire packet. Worst still l did the same with the BBQ, just grab a few here a few there and then again went to put the box in a container and found l had eaten the entire box. Argghhhhh, it is frustrating because l didn't even give myself the chance to really enjoy the calories because l ate them without even realising (or not wanting to realise) what l was doing.

In the past l normally brush my teeth just before l go grocery shopping, l hate eating or drinking anything after l brush my teeth because everything tastes weird to me. So l normally do this to stop myself from eating whilst doing my grocery shopping. The other thing l normally do when putting the groceries away is chew gum or eat an apple. Both take alot of chewing and when chewing gum you can't eat anything else. So because l didn't do either one of these this morning l ate 1020 calories. So far today my calorie count is at 1250 (that is how many calories l ate yesterday and that was even with having mc donalds) so it will be a salad for lunch and a salad for dinner today. At least the weather is salad weather.

Stay thin for ?

I was watching an ad for a biography called 'stay thin for him'. It's about a bunch of women who lose weight because of their faith in Jesus Christ. I laughed out loud at this. But then thought about it, dont we all want to be or stay thin for something? If we don't have that motivation to get or stay thin it wont happen.

So what motivates you?

Me, well..... ummm .... There are many reasons why l want to lose weight and stay in my healthy weight range.
1. Health reasons, results show that being an active person who is in their healthy weight range have better lifestyle outcomes as you age.
2. Good role model. Can't preach to your children to eat healthy if you are not doing the same
3. Fashion. I love fashion and shopping, when l was bigger it just wasn't as much fun. Now getting closer to my goal shopping has become fun for me until l realise how much money l am spending (that is another issue).
4. Thoughtfulness. I do not like how disconnected we are for nature. By growing my own food and sourcing local produce l feel more connected to nature and it helps my weight at the same time.
5. Feeling. It feels so much better in this body, it's just so much easier. I use to always feel drained before and everything became harder and harder as the day progressed. Now l feel full of energy, mainly because my body isn't having to lug around an extra 50kgs, l don't want to go back to feeling exhausted and ill.

So these are the reasons why l forced myself to walk past the big bin of tim tams coles had out the front with the sign 2 for $4 and resist buying them. Oh how hard that was, tim tams and they where a bargain. I've also been unwell this week. Still feel sick at this present moment. I am counting down the minutes till this blasted flu of mine will be gone and leave this house. Fingers crossed l will be better by Tuesday so l can go and enjoy my favourite double of the week, Body Step and Zumuba. I am sure l have put on weight this week because all l have done is sleep and eat. I am not being hard on myself because the food l ate was nourishing for my body and the sleeping is what my body needed to repair. I am just counting down now till l feel better so l can get exercising again. I miss not being able to have a workout.

Fresh is best

As a food addict l need food that is fantastic. I need food that gives me all the flavour and excitement that l need from the fewest calories and nutrient dense as possible. One way l have done this is by growing my own veggies, fruit and herbs. I am a huge advocate for grow your own. Not only does it keep my hands busy, it's a physical activity as well and my whole family enjoys the activity.

We are now in spring people, and this is the best time of year to grow. If you have limited space you can grow your herbs in small pots. For the price you pay at the supermarket for a bunch of herbs you can spend the same amount to have a small pot. The benefits of growing herbs inside also means the plants help clean the air. All you need is a few small pots, if you are really tight for cash ask some of your friends for their empty pots after they have planted in their garden or go to a big landscaping mob and ask them for theirs, a small bag of potting mix and a few small seedlings of herbs. I prefer growing from seed, but it is easier for the novice to start with seedlings.

Make sure the pot gets enough sun, enough water a some fresh air and within a few weeks you have your own fresh herbs on hand whenever you need it. If you have space in your garden why not put some veggies in amongst your other plants. Why not grow your own salad. In my own garden l have three types of lettuce, tomatoes (not ready for picking yet), carrots, beetroot (l use the leaves more than anything else in my salads) and l have put in cucumber seeds and l have two avocado trees growing but l don't except a crop for another year or two. There is nothing better than going out into the sun and grabbing a few salad items to have for lunch or dinner. It tastes ten times better (sometimes just because you want it to because you grew it) and it is better for you.

So why not start getting reconnected to our food cycle. We have all become mindless consumers eating what the advertising companies dictate to us. Getting bigger in the mean time. Look on the packet next time you eat something like a mars bars and see what are the ingredients, do you really know what all those things are and what they do to you? Remember when smoking was not considered dangerous and dentist use to prescribe a packet for a tooth ache? We now know what effects smoking has. So do you really want to know what effect all those numbers are having on you? All l know is that l want to take some responsibility back on feeding myself and that includes trying to go back to growing as much as l can at home and using very base ingredients like flour, milk, eggs etc.. to create my own meals not buying ready made which have ingredient number this and emulsifier that.

Why?

The title of this blog is one of my favourite poems. Yes, it is a poem. It's a magical word that can have many connotations depending on the person, time, day, weather, situation etc. It holds no boundaries and is always something new. Which is the way l view life.

I like to set goals and look into the future but l also want to enjoy this very second for what it is.

Miracle's do happen

This is the first weekend ever that l haven't gained any weight. Yes, not any l am still 67.9kgs. Yes l do still make it to the 67kg bracket by 100grams. Every weekend it is a struggle not to gain weight. This weekend the weather was crap, l was stuck at home most of and had a sick child. Normally one of those things alone would cause an eating binge. However made having all three together kept me so busy trying to keep children entertained happy, house clean and trying to do some uni work that l didn't have time to really think about food.

Today again is another hard day. I have three sick boys at home. So again l am home bound. I am showing great will power. Well not really, l keep looking in the pantry hoping, praying, begging that somewhere in their l have a hidden block of chocolate or tim tams or jelly beans or, or, or. All l could find was bran flakes. Thank god l don't keep any temptations at home because l would of eaten them all already by now.

When l use to work and was pregnant with my first whenever l got stressed l ate. I would go into the supermarket whilst talking on my phone while a customer complained to me about something or another had gone wrong which was outside of my control but l still had to deal with and buy five different chocolate bars and would of consumed all five by the time l got back to the car. This is not all, l would follow this up with a McDonald's drive thru, then Hungry Jacks drive thru and then to my final destination KFC. Why all these venues?
Supermarket - Has my favourite chocolates (can't get Whip and Chomp bars at McDonald's)
McDonald's - I like their McChickens but not a huge fan of their chips
Hungry Jacks - I love their chips but not their chicken burger
KFC - Got to have another side and what better side than mash potato and gravy

If it was a really, really, really bad day l would do the above and finish it off at diary bell's with a triple scoop ice cream sundae.

Why am l writing all of this you may ask? Well, reflection is a powerful tool. I reflect on the negative emotions, the sickness in the stomach, headaches and then the sickness of guilt. How could l treat myself like this? Why do l blame other's for my eating, stating it's not my fault l am just stressed. I have stoped the excuses and l don't want any of those negative feelings back. Reflecting on where l was and where l am now gives me the will power to not go to the shops right now and buy a packet of tim tams. Actually writing all of that has made me feel like eating an apple and maybe doing a bit of dancing in the lounge room to entertain my three sick boys. Which is exactly what l am going to do ;-)