on the path

Okay l am slowly accepting the a ugly, awful, terrible (l could use more adjectives however you get the gist) truth that l will always have to watch what l eat. It is very hard for me to accept that l can't just eat with out having to think about it. However when l make the comparison to other addicts it does make sense. A recovering alcoholic has to come to terms with the fact that they can't go to a party and just have one or two drinks, because they can't stop themselves. That is how l am with food, once l start to stop thinking about it l slip into bad habits. I am lucky though compared to the alcoholic who could probably never take another sip of alcohol, l can have food l just have to monitor how much l have.

So l am hoping now that monitoring food will become more automatic. When l first learnt to drive a manual car l bunny hopped down the road as l was busy concentrating, clutch in, shift gear, clutch out, accelerator,steer, etc etc. I can now drive my manual car with very little thought of gear changes and in a very smooth fashion (if l do say so myself). This is how l hope to be with food eventually, right now l am bunny hoping down the road, but while l am doing this l am learning. I am making mistakes but l am learning from them. I never thought that losing weight would be such a hard challenge that deals with so much more than food.

To date l am now back to 72kilos yay!!! only three more kilos to be back to where l was this time last year. I now l can do it, even if l have to hop the whole way there.

Rip the bandaid

If you haven't noticed, l have (gulp, rip the bandaid Gaby) gained weight. Yes, not just a little bit either l have gained 6 kilos. I had to laugh at the doctor yesterday, l went in for a routine check up and she asked me how long it took me to gain the weight back and she didn't believe me when l said three weeks. Yes, there is only black and white in my life when it comes to food. I can compare myself to any other addict who goes on a bender. The doctor asked me why l had gained the weight, what's changed. My response is nothing, l just go through moods and every so often l get feed up with having to monitor my food.

I told her when l was a child l never had to watch what l ate, why now do l have to spend the rest of my life doing this for. She asked me one question which has made me change my mind "Your boys, don't you monitor and control what they eat?", if so when you were a child you didn't have to monitor you food because someone else did it for you. Food is something you will have to monitor for the rest of your life, just like you have to monitor your health and exercise, you will have to do the same with food.

She is right, it is not easy being healthy. Not when there is so much temptation and devices that make life easy for you. But in the end of the day all the gadgets and other things which are designed to make your life easier actually make it harder, harder to shift the weight. We spend less time moving, l know my activity levels have dropped this last couple of weeks due to being under the weather. So today l started using my fitness pal again and now bringing myself back to the consciousnesses of what l am eating. The food l am eating is healthy but my portion sizes are huge.

So back on the band wagon again. And now l know the band wagon has to stay. I have to watch what l eat and how much otherwise when l bury my head in the sand when l pull it out l appear to have gained 6 kilos.