sickness from the mind

I have been feeling awful since Sunday. Thought it was gastro, maybe a flu... Just could not work it out. Would feel dizzy and nausea, sore neck. Only felt okay if l sat up straight and did nothing. However l finally worked out this afternoon that my body was not sick, it was my mind. Since Monday the stress has begun, thinking about children going back to school and kinda. Myself going back to work and then the ace card, me beginning my three week placement the following week. My three week placement is not the stressful part, its the fact that my mother is going to be living with us for three weeks during this placement to look after the children that has me stressed, plus the thought of trying to get uni work done at night after working all day, plus find time for the family.

Been feeling very guilty lately with the lack of time l have for the children at present. Most of my day is spent either cleaning, playing taxi driver, studying or cooking. Trying to find time to play with the children is getting harder. So today the nausea and dizziness began when l sat down to start doing uni work and saw that the floors were in desperate need of a clean. The cycle then began where the more l noticed the more l would feel sick because the to do list in my mind was growing every second and l kept on thinking how am l going to get all this done when l feel so sick and then would feel more sick, etc etc, it wasnt until l left the house for school pick up and started to feel better playing with my boys in the playground that l realised that it was stress. As soon as l got home, l wrote everything down and devised a plan and now the nausea and dizziness is gone.

What this got to do with food, well it has to do with the fact that l make myself feel sick with stress because l dont have the abiltiy to realise that tension in another form, l believe l use food to help me to deal with stressful situations because l dont know any other way to deal with stress.

back to good habits

So l went back through my books to work out when my weight loss was working for me. I discovered it was when l was tracking my food and exercise. So today l am back to using myfitness pal and wearing my heart rate monitor. I really do suffer from food amnesia, where l totaly forget about that piece of chocolate l happened to consume. However my fitnesspal prevents that from happening, because l always have my phone with me, what l generally do is put it into my phone before l put it into my mouth.

I am still 72 kgs and my aim is to get down to 68kg so four more kilos to go. I swear the last three kilos l lost where all on my stomach, l still have some there but the muffin top in my jeans has nearly gone. Felt awful to be uncomfortable in my clothes again. I really dont like that feeling at all, so this is incentive enough for me to continue on this path.

My favourite quote for the week is "Im not losing weight. I am getting rid of it. I have no intention of finding it again." Love it, so this is my inspirational quote for the week.

How are you all going with your weight? Do you struggling with fluctuating weight like myself? Find it hard to lose weight, or have difficulty putting on weight?

72kgs yay

So l am now back down to 72 kilos. This is normally when the going gets tough. So from here on out l will be glad if l can loss a kilo a week. It's mothers day in four weeks, my aim is to be 68kgs by mothers day. I cleared the shelves yesterday at the supermarket of a product called Chang's, super lo-cal wok-ready noodles. A 200g serve of noodles is only 10 calories. I love the fact they are 10 calories and that all you need to do is drain, rinse and then throw into your stir fry for the last 2 minutes to heat them up. It really helps to bulk up my lunch and dinner without the calories. There is a million recipes for these noodles and l've tried a few. One claim is to swap your pasta for the noodles, l've tried it and l will not recommend. In salad, soups, stews and stir fry's yes, its a fantastic alternative.

Off to do my most enjoyable work out today, shopping!!!!! People think that they only work out you can get is at a gym. They are very wrong. Being fit and active isnt about going to the gym. It's about walking instead of driving, talking the stairs instead of the lift, walking over to tell a person who is only three stalls away a message rather than emailing them, playing basketball with your kids, dancing while you do the house work, hanging the washing out, bringing your groceries in.

All the actions we do to function as a person is all a work out. Unfortunately most of us live in a box mentality, we wake up on a box in a box, get up and watch a box, while our breakfast is cooked in a box, we then jump in another box to travel to another box, then sit all day in a box in front of a box to go home and repeat the cycle all over again. How long has it been since you had a no tv day or a no car day? When l was a child l couldnt wait to get home to be rid off the confounds of the classroom, l hated being stuck inside all day, as soon as l got home l was out the door, riding my bike, shooting hops, roller skating, even when it was raining l would spend hours under the carport playing down ball. Why did this stop? My aim is to try and get this back into my life, rather than sitting on the couch and watch some one else have a life l would much prefer to be doing something that meant l had a life. Escaping the box!

2 Down 6 more to go

I have lost 2 kilos now, just 6 more to go to be back to where l was in August. It amazes me how different my body reacts at different stages. It is always easy for me to drop the weight till l hit around the 70kg mark and then it gets tough to shift the weight. I havent had to make any drastic changes to loss these two kilos in one week, all l had to do was stop eating the junk and it just drops off. However once l hit 70kgs thats when l have to start upping the ante. Maybe this time it will be different? Who knows but l doubt it very much..

I am very excited about doing a good work out this morning. I have a crazy schedule and whenever there is a day when l dont have any obligations l like to take advantage of it. Today l am going to spend the morning on a killer work out. I want to push my body this morning to see if it still works. When l slack off on my diet, l also slack off on my workouts. I am hoping what l have been doing has maintained my fitness. So just like l jump on the scales every day to check my weight, today l am going to push my body to check my fitness.

I highly recommend you to try and keep a record of your fitness. It is a hard thing to monitor unless you have a scientific approach. I like to use the following test for my fitness:
- timed sprint (pick a distance between 50m - 100m)
- timed 2kms jog/run
- standing jump, you jump up as high as you can next to a wall with a piece of chalk in you hand mark the highest point you can reach and then measure
- plank hold (how long you can hold a plank for)
- push up in a minute

These are all test that you dont need fancy equipment for and you can jot these down and keep them safe, and refer back to them. The jumping test, is about testing leg strength, sprints is about testing leg strength as well as cardio fitness, jog is about testing heart/ lung fitness, plank is about core strength, push ups is upper body strength.

I keep these results on a excel spreadsheet along with my measurements. It's been very sad and frustrating to see my measurements going back up. However it is added incentive to get back on track.

I made it not one easter egg!!!

I made it, l did it, l did not have one easter egg, or even two, l had zero easter eggs!!! I did unwrap one and was about to put it in my mouth when my youngest came up and asked for chocolate. I took it as a sign and handed it over. So thanks to willpower and a two year old l did not eat any of the million easter eggs we have in our house.

I feel l have my mojo back, l did lose my way there for a while. Sometimes when you take alot on your plate you have a adjusting period, till you get use to the new routine. Unfortunately l dont deal well with these situations and rather than talk things through l eat my words instead. Any issue in my life and l will always reach for food to fix it. I finally discovering now at 32 that food doesnt fix it, and doesnt even make it feel better for a minute. I use the food to numb myself, l have caught myself eating and not even realising what l was doing, it was like my body was on autopilot and l was just sitting there watching as my hand casually picked up BBQ shape after BBQ shape until the whole packet had gone. I hadn't even registered that l had eaten one, yet l had eaten a whole box.

My children's diet has suffered as well. I made the excuse that l would buy a few treats for the children to keep them entertained while l did some uni work. That in itself l should be ashamed off, using tim tams and packets of chips as rewards. However l found l was the eating most of the stash. My children dont need donuts, chocolate, chips, lollies etc etc... They need a healthy diet to help them to grow big and strong. The alarm went off the other day when l offered my son a packet of chips and he said "no mum, my tummy has been really sore the last two days l think l need an apple". When your four year old tells you that you feel awful. It's bad enough neglecting my own body, but neglecting my own children's body is another thing. I know l may be harsh on myself, yes kids do eat junk food, and yes l do let my children eat that food. But after a week of eating crap they didnt feel like themselves. I was still making them there normally breakfast, lunch and dinner but all the snacking in between on the bad stuff had made them and me feel sick.

So l am looking forward to returning to some healthy normality. Next time when l am having to adjust to something new, l wont sacrifice mine or my families health. Instead l will have to be big girl and talk about it, l have a family But l now know its better to ask for help and swim than not ask at all and sink.

No easter eggs

I am currently sitting with a ticking time bomb behind me. Well it's not ticking, because chocolate easter eggs dont tick. But my willpower is ticking. I have not had a egg yet, well l didn't have one yesterday. I well and truly had my fair share of Easter eggs and hot cross buns before the big event. Now after Easter egg hunts and visiting my sister l have a huge bowl of chocolate behind me. I have deliberately placed it behind me so the visual temptation is not there. This is a test of my willpower and new determination.

Now l am one who believes in moderation, believe but does not practise. I always have the best intentions of just have one easter egg or just two squares of chocolate, to find myself an hour later wondering where did the block of chocolate go? and how come there isn't any more easter eggs left? It's because l keep on going up saying oh just one more, just one more, and then finally ohhh stuff it l have already eaten too much may as well eat the rest and then l wont be tempted to eat it tomorrow.

So l am trying a new psychological control technique today. Everytime l am tempted to eat the chocolate l think about that sick feeling l get after gorging on chocolate. You know that feeling, and then think about the feeling l get after eating an apple. It's working so far, but then again it is only 8am. But l know l can do it!!!! down to 74kgs today, fingers crossed tomorrow l will be 73kgs. Its strange how l can easily drop weight down to around 72kgs, as soon as l hit 72 kilos it gets harder and then when l got to 67kilos it felt impossible hence why l didnt go below that.

Happy Easter everyone and avoid the ticking bombs!

I've been a bad girl

I've been a bad girl and paying the price for it. Currently while l seat and write this l can see and feel the bulge of my stomach, it has reappeared to haunt me and remind me that l can not go and eat crap and except to get away with it. I have not gotten away with it at all, jumped on the scales this morning and nearly had a small heart attack, 75 kgs, yes 75kgs, l have managed to gain 8 kgs back very easily. So this morning instead of gorging myself with easter eggs, l went for a walk and did a 30 min workout in the back yard and had a bowl of porridge.

That is the thing, when l jump off the deep end, l take a run up, and jump the furthest l can. I am lucky to have this blog to keep me honest. So it starts all over again. Changing my diet back to one that is clean and if l want something that isnt l have to work for it first. It's a fact of life, l cant sit on my ass and eat all the junk l want and be healthy. It felt so good after my workout this morning. I did forget how good it is to have that feeling. I think everybody needs to be reminded how good it feels when you are healthy. One thing that did not feel good this morning is jogging. OMG l need a belly and bottom bra, l hated the feeling of my stomach and bottom giving me whip lash every time l ran. I also couldnt run as fast or as far, l dont believe this is because my fitness has dropped off but moving an extra 8 kilos is hard work.

So in normal Gaby fashion l will find the silver lining which is "atleast l dont need to use weights for my work outs because l piled it on naturally". So now to get cracking and loss 5 kilos by Mothers Day and l will have to inform my children no chocolate for mothers day, might do the mothers day 5km fun run.