Blast from the past

Got an unusual message today from a person l use to know 14 year ago. The message was unusual because it reminded me of what my body use to be like 14 years ago. I remember how l never really had to worry about what l wore. Unlike now worrying about, finding garments to hide a tummy, disguise wide hips and control breasts. Bathers shopping is a nightmare, trying to find garments that can construct and sculpt, compared to the bathers l use to wear, which l don't even think you could call bathers, just a couple pieces of Lycra positioned to stop me from being charged with indecent exposure.

It sparked in me a longing which l haven't felt for a long time. To lose weight takes dedication and you need to be motivated to want to change. At present l find it hard to motivate myself, but that memory of how life was much easier, comfortable and confident has sparked a new passion in me. So my aim's have been set high, Too lose this weight again by summer next year, get my dream job, then l can afford to get my tummy tuck and to finally be back into a two piece bathing suit next summer. I know l will never wear such a skimpy suit ever again, and nor do l want to. Albeit l want to wear a suit that l don't have to worry about my body. To feel that confidence l use to instill, that would make a man remember me 14 years later. I know my husband feels that way about me, but it doesn't matter how other people think or feel about you, it's about how you feel about yourself.

For some women it is a dress or an event that sparks the motivation for me it is pure confidence in  my own skin.

Body

I noticed last night that my body was starting to ache during my sleep and suddenly remembered this use to occur before l lost weight, and 10 kilo's later the aches are starting to slowly come back. If that is not a push enough to make me start to shift the weight nothing is. When l was larger l never noticed the aches or pains, the lack of energy, the slightly oil skin and hair which also led to pimples and migraines plus l am sure there is more but l can't recall them at this present moment . All these symptoms l never realized were weight related until l lost weight and they disappeared. Finally l put two and two together and realized how much my body was suffering due to my weight.

Yesterday l started off the day well, and nearly ended it well until l thought l would try one piece of the children's new cereal 'Krave'. Well they don't call it 'Krave' because it sounds good, suddenly l found myself scooping large handful after large handful each time l walked past the pantry door. All my good efforts all unraveled within a 30 minute blind splurge on cereal. Today l am practicing the art of self restraint, try to be totally focused whenever l eat. The biggest issue for me is deliberating distracting myself while l eat so l don't acknowledge what l am doing. Just because l don't mentally acknowledge doesn't mean, unfortunately, my physical body follows suit.

So today is about mindfulness  try to be aware and present when l eat and acknowledge what l am doing.  

Hello 2013

As we enter a new year, l can not help but have that feeling of disappoint on how l have let my weight go. I spent energy both emotional and psychical to lose the weight and within a blink of an eye and a moment of lost focus it all started to come back.

2013 is the year that l will try to find a way that my diet isn't all consuming of my time and focus, that some how l'll learn to be aware of my eating without it taking a large hold on my life. With reflection l can see that anything that takes up that much time is not a sustainable practice.  Like one, somehow you need to be aware of it's presence with out it distracting you.

This is my new weight loss goal, to somehow learn to be aware of my eating, but for it not to consume me. Some people who read this will totally understand what l mean about the consumption that diet can play on your life. It's such a hard practice, like walking on a tight rope, their is only a small margin to get it right, and the rest is a huge scary fall. When you fall off a tightrope it is hard to get back on and work out what to do right to keep yourself on, your pride has been broken and worst still with weight everyone who is around you know's you have lost control. You can't hide it, you just have to own up to it.