It's been a long time, since l ....

It's been a very long time since l started this blog and so many things have happened. With these changes l have put myself at the bottom of the pile (again) and the weight has crept back on. I now heavier than l was after the birth of my third son. However, l am not as heavy as l was after the birth of my 1st child.

I am now officially on summer holiday. Which means l have 6 weeks to start some new habits before l go back to work. I will also have to work hard on my food prep when l do get back to work. I was so worried about my weight l went and had an appointment with a surgeon about getting a stomach sleeve (that's when they remove 2/3 of your stomach and staple it up). Considering that l have no medical conditions l just couldn't justify the risk. The risk of surgery has to out weigh the gains, and for me the only gains would be easier weight loss.

I also spoke to a great dietitian who said that my healthy base weight way be a lot higher than what is indicated by my BMI. Speaking to her made me look at things differently. She stated that when l was feeling great physically, health wise, was when l was extremely fit.  So today l start trying to pick up my fitness regime. I have been completing my 10K steps a day and doing some basic push ups and sit ups. But l haven't really broken into a sweat.

Also, l am changing my outlook on food. I seem to have a very controlling relationship with food which isn't healthy. Instead l am going to eat what l want, but l am going to think about how it makes me feel. I know that a big massive bowl of fruit salad makes me feel great afterwards, compared to a McDonalds meal.

I have also been drinking way to much alcohol. Again l am going to stop and think before l start. Do l really want this, or can l do something else to make myself feel relaxed. It's summer here in Melbourne at present. So in the evening l have been watering my garden and my youngest normally comes out and joins me and chats to me. It's nice to have sometime outside at the end of the day, rather than sitting in front of some kind of screen.

Today l am 96 kilos and do not feel fit at all. I know l can go for a walk and not get puffed, but l don't feel like l could break into a light jog without falling into a heap. I also want to increase my strength again. These are my goals and ambitions. Next year l am 37. I know it gets harder when you hit 40 so l am really wanting to create this new habits and want them to stick.

Feeling great!!!

I am feeling great! Going back to the gym and cleaning up my diet has made the biggest difference to my energy levels. I thought walking 10K steps a day and doing some body weight exercises (push ups, tricep dips, sit ups etc) was enough. It might be enough to keep up a very base level of fitness but it isn't enough for me.

Just increasing my cardio and lifting heavier weights has made me feel more alive. The new challenge will be keeping this up when l return to work on Thursday. The only way to do that is scheduling it in. I have to stop making excuses. Life is busy, that is a fact! However l always found time for exercise. It has only been the last 3 years that l have found it hard to get around to exercising. When my exercise went down hill so did my eating.

Going back to work has been hard and l thought dropping my exercise will allow me more time. All it did was drain me of energy. Now that l have working for three years l am ready to enter exercise back in without feeling overwhelmed.

I look forward to building the new me. I am more than mum, wife or teacher, l am me and l have to make time to ensure that l am happy and healthy.

Gym

I did it! I joined the gym. That's the first easy step out of the way. Now is just getting myself their and ensuring l am doing a good workout. Felt great and weird to be back in the gym. The weird part was using a treadmill when the weather was gorgeous today outside. The good part was being able to use weights again.

The aim is to walk the kids to school if the weather is nice, then walk to the gym and then walk home. Like that l get my warm up and cool down done and can enjoy the great outdoors. But as winter progresses l will just drive.

It will be interesting to see if the exercise changes my weight loss. This is the first time in my life that my eating isn't too bad but my exercise is letting me down. So it will be interesting to now look to see how it impacts the scales and measuring tape.

I am determined to see 87 kilos on the scales. I have been the same weight now for 4 weeks and have been trying so hard to just drop one kilo but the scales have not budged. Fingers crossed this will kick start the weight loss again.

It's been a long time

It's been a while and a lot has changed. I now work five days a week and l have moved areas. The biggest change is my weight (not in a good way). I got back up to 96 kilos after Christmas. That scared me when l could round up my weight to 100 kilos. So l have gone back to tracking my food and exercise. I am now done to 88 kilos but finding it so hard to drop any further.

I am now at the cross roads trying to work out what l can fit into my schedule to help me lose weight. I would love to join the gym again but l am so uncertain. I know l need to bite the bullet and just do it. The hardest thing for me is justifying the time and expense on me.  I don't know if it's a women thing  mother thing that we feel guilty when we do something for ourselves.

But l guess l would feel more guilty if l was unwell and didn't live as long because l didn't take care of myself.

That's it! l am ending this entry, getting dinner started and heading to the gym to sign up. Wish me luck people.

91.9 Kilos

91.9 kilos, that is what a read on the scales this morning.

A quick update of my life. I am now working part time five days a week (mon-fri) and all three of my children are at school. I recently tore ligaments in my knee. We moved just before Christmas.

With returning back to work, moving and settling the children into a new school, l have gone back to not thinking about me. I have gone from 67 kilos to 91.9 Kilos. I have been feeling like crap. My sleep has been playing up and my fitness levels are non existent. I also hate that l cant move the same way l use to since my knee damage. Being this weight does not help with my knee recovery.

I sat down yesterday and went through my photos and saw the weight gain slowly through image after image. I don't want to be this person l am right now.

So it is going back to the hard work which is weight loss. I have started using my fitness pal again to track my food, wearing my jaw bone up to track my steps and l am using free online videos to complete work outs at home after work.

Last night l slept so well, and the only two changes l made was no alcohol and 30 mins of exercise. It is now time to start new routines and habits. I did it before l can do it again.

These are the final photos that sparked me to take action. My son took these of me without me knowing on my phone. I knew l had gained weight but l found it really hard to see how much. These photos scream it out loud how much weight l have gained. I have no neck, and my stomach is massive. It is not so much the look l am worried about but more the health ramifications. I am scared to go the doctors to get my blood tests done of fear of what will show up. So hopefully these will, no l will re phrase that. These are my before pictures as l am only going to improve from here. I want to go back to the fit and healthy Gaby. The one that had endless energy and felt good from the foods l ate. 

Why O Why

I hate this merry go round of weight. I know all the things l need to do. I know that it needs to be a lifestyle not a diet. I know, l know, l know but l don't DO!!!!!!

On the scales yesterday l hit 90 kilos again!!!!

I am trying to look over the past few weeks to try and understand what is happening.
First of all l had my hubby home for 2 and a half weeks. This mean't l didn't go the gym as often, more lunches out and he always had a cold beer waiting for me at the end of the day.

Add Easter on top of this and it add's up to about a kilo a week.

So once again l need to sit back and review my diet. I was strong last night. My husband offered me a cold beer, white wine or a red. I managed to resist all three offerings.

It is just a learned habit, it will take me six weeks to create my new habits again of limited alcohol. I also have to increase my water. I finding it extremely difficult to drink water in winter.  I will try having my T2 herbal teas hot to see if this helps the situation. Sometimes the whole ritual of making tea keeps my hands and mind busy during those hard times of temptation (3 and 7 pm).

I guess this blog allows me to show the true challenges you l face with weight. I managed to lose all my weight and regain it all as soon as l relaxed. Being fit and healthy is a constant process that you can not switch off. I am hoping with a new school term l can try and find the balance again of finding time for me. I have the house up to a pretty good standard now, if l just do a little bit each day it will stay that way, which means l can spend more time on me.

On a mission

Finally have the drive to get up and do something about my weight. I have been losing only around 200 grams a week. I am now deciding that this week l am going to kick arse. I find it easier to do one full on week and then go back to slow mode. When you have a lot of weight to lose, which in my case l do. It can be hard to keep the momentum going. Breaking it up allows you to deal with the mental challenges you face whilst trying to lose weight.

Some of you may be asking "What mental challenges?" For me they are never ending. I have had a life long love affair with food. It has been there and helped support me through some of the most difficulties times in my life and it has also been there to help me celebrate the happiest. I use food to show love to my friends and family, providing them with nourishment for the body and soul. When food represents all these things to you it becomes very difficult to lose weight. As soon as l am stressed or tired l look for food to help pick me up. If l am not prepared and don't have my protein shake in my bag, or a handful of nuts. I find myself very quickly at the vending machine getting myself a bar of chocolate. I know that this won't help me in the long run. But right then and there in that moment l can not think of anything else other than that bar.

So to deal with the mental challenges l acknowledge my weakness and remove as many of them as possible. I ensure that l stay away from vending machines at my times of desperation and always make sure l have healthy snacks on hand.

I believe power is knowledge. I am the biggest geek going around and love having data that l can analysis. I have been wearing my body bugg again and linked my myfitness pal app to the program. It has allowed me to see what activities allow me to burn calories during the day, track my nutrient intake. Which  l was very surprised about the results. I thought that my diet was healthy. However l have been consuming most of my calories lately from fat and salt. My protein in take has also been down. It is amazing how when l read those facts it made sense why l felt run down. When you lift heavy weights you need protein to help with recovery. I am making a concerted effort this week to up my protein and reduce my bad fats and see if this makes a difference to the way l feel.

Plus no more grog during the week. I thought that l could go back to have a couple of glasses every second or third night, but l haven't quiet worked out to only have two glasses. I always lose count and by then l think, oh well may as well keep going. So again acknowledging my weakness, grog is out during the week.

So here's to another Monday pledge, l have been moving in the right direction again, l started off at 90 kilos at the beginning of the year and l am currently at 88 kilos. So this week my aim is to be 85 kilos by this time Monday. It's only one week, and then l will go back to slow motion for a few weeks again.